trust me. I won’t hurt. 

In 2011, we saw some of the most horrific things that’s ever occurred in our lifetime. We lost a lot of things: jobs, battles, people, friends, loved ones, bits and pieces of ourselves. 

But in the midst of it all we saw beauty. Beauty in the darkness moments right before the break of dawn. Beauty in the fall, the scrapes, the lessons learned; in the breaking of the heart and weakling of the knees. Beauty in absolute uncertainty, because it means anything is possible. Beauty because the best is yet to come. Beauty because we stayed soft and breakable. We found courage in God, people and ourselves. Beauty resonated in the oomphs in our march, the thuds of our hopeful dreams, the thumps in our hearts. 

Beauty, a thousand times over. 

Thank you for being beautiful to me, for staying beautiful. Thanks for not walking away saying no goodbyes and leaving me to pick up the pieces. Thank for you for letting me take your hand like you’ve already done for me before. We made it.

2012 is just about to unfold I don’t know how else to feel. Fearfully and honestly, I’m very stoked. 

Christmas with snow is a different kind of Christmas. 
Lights light up the rooms, windows, and roads; now they’re lighting up my heart. 

I’m finally starting to settle down, breathe a little easier, getting a little more comfortable in my skin. It hasn’t really come yet, but I don’t think I’ll dread the cold as much. 22 days to Christmas, I’m in the process of writing a Christmas song. Jesus feels closer. People feel closer. My heart feels less divided, more whole and I’m closer to heaven than I’ve ever been. 

I like people who challenge me.
People I like challenge me.

Where do I go with this? 

Gravity is pulling against me.

This is good. I’m thinking more, writing more, which means things are getting beautiful. Soon I’ll be playing again.

It’s about time.

I realised now that, according to the school of business manual, I am the perfect candidate for my program. I’m very social. I can talk. I can work. I’m thrive under pressure. I’ve become superhuman when it comes to multitasking and processing my pile of work in a matter of days. I sit in the library and grind away essays, assignments, meetings. Caffeine, Work, caffeine, work, caffeine, work. 

Work also makes me less and less human. I’m scared of becoming a workaholic. I don’t feel anything. 

So today, I feel like quitting school, going away to somewhere far far away and write music. Maybe just take a walk and be human again. Slow down and feel my heart beating in me. Put it back together.