it may be long to get me there,
feels like I’ve been everywhere
but someday I’ll be coming home
bring me back to the fields of gold
where the streets are bright underneath our soles
where you won’t have to wonder what the weather will bring
I’ll have my heart wide open like I’d told you so.
[video]
Not this year, Lakers. Someday it will be though.
I don’t know at what point in time, will all these end. So far it’s been numbers and dollar signs, lawmakers and the corporate facade. Everything I’ve been presented to so far offers me nothing but a vague, puffed up version of what my future would be, should be. I wonder if failures really make you a better person in the long run, but in the short term, it either breaks you down or turn you into a rock head.
I have to stop kidding myself that I’ll make it on my time, because the truth is, God is the only benefactor of time. I can tell you as much as I want about my hopes and dreams, but in the end, God is the only one really holding them.
I wish I could stop fighting, stop swimming like a salmon against the current. But at this point in life, I have come to accept that it is in my nature to never go down without a fight. Even then, I hate losing. I hate being 2 steps behind and half an inch of the mark. I hate it that they have so far a head start ahead of me. I hate it when you automatically get yourself ahead in the world because you have a bigger cloud above your head. I much prefer sunshine.
I hate feeling like a David, a second rate, the one who’s never going to amount to anything. But I know it’s all good, because at the end of the day, He will have the final laugh. I don’t have to believe in what they tell me, or become what the system has in store, because truly, I am deeply uncomfortable with that form. I’m sorry for being awfully grumpy tonight. Someday I’ll be able to turn this table around, to feel the thrill in the wake of God’s work. Someday, I’ll tell you that I’d told you so, time and time again. I already know what I stand for, because “what matters is not the idea a man holds, but the depth at which he holds it.” (Ezra Pound)
[video]
(via itelllies)
Dear Ross,
You left. Just like that. Even my dad asked about you yesterday.
I know you read this and I can’t get to you anywhere. You don’t just leave for another country for six months without telling anyone. No one does that, not even me. And believe me, I’m very good at leaving people behind.
I’m not giving you that song until you sort this out with me. Thanks for letting me find out this way.
Yours truly.
[video]
Cause there won’t be a time where I won’t fall back
Where shadows are heavy and darkness transgress
Beyond the hopes of my little being
And the crooked scales that keep me from seeing
With the broken I will carry the pages
Scribbled with words that have yet to be written
If the stars lose their fire and the oceans would weep
Let me know that my love’s not forgotten
For the dawn of day will surely come
When the light is as fine as the One it is from
As the trumpets sound, I will stand with Thee
Love of my life, ever shall be.
I was supposed to go to bed two hours ago right after the Lakers game, clearly that hasn’t happened. Another couple hours would probably pass before I finish this post. Keeping to my bedtime is not of my assets.
Dear friends, I have finished first year university. Believe me, I have never worked so hard in my life. My grades weren’t marvelous, but a decent production of what I have managed to pull off in the last eight months against some of the best in my program in the country, who have practically been doing this their entire lives. So yes, I have a lot to thank for. Next year will be a lot better.
Art is emotional. Maybe that’s why I feed off it so vicariously.
I’ve been so giddily happy and capriciously depressed all at the same time. I’ve felt the monsters on my back and see the dark gets darker. I’d given so much for the ones I love, pulled them out of the ditches so many times, I’d forgotten to cry for help when I’m deep in quicksand. I’ve fought, I’ve spoken. I’ve sung songs I had written, wished I’d written, wished I never wrote. I’ve learnt more than I’ve managed to realise. I’ve found more love than I’d look for.
But at the end of the day, all that probably doesn’t matter and you’ve just spent the last minute reading a bunch of narcissistic crap. He’s come a long way for me. I’ve found Him in the night skies, amongst the stars, in the chill and the rain. I’ve found Him still, more quiet than I’ve ever known, yet more tangible than my own. He’s still there, when all is numb.
I can try to make the best choices. As a business student I can hope to create the best situation for the most return on investment. I plant the seed, He waters. I am the investment. Investment in what, I don’t know, but that’s not for me to worry about. In this light, He is sovereign, all consuming, all knowing, all powerful. I can still sing through my aforementioned crap, to Him. I can only love, and love more. Because when the trumpet sounds, nothing will matter.
dont break me just because you can
when you wear a shirt like that, you’re automatically my new favourite actress.